After I had Law, I went through about 3 months of postpartum anxiety/depression, and it was the darkest place I’ve ever been in. I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression off and on for a good chunk of my life, but never like this. I’ve never really hidden it, but I’ve never really shouted it either. I’d go from feeling like I was losing my mind to feeling like I would never be happy again, feeling terrified of dying to feel like I wanted to die, back and forth and back and forth. I was exhausted and felt like I was doing everything I could to hold my head above the water, but I would feel like I was in a rip current and kept being pulled under. Law was the only thing that helped me come up for air. Now it’s a big blur, but I remember one day just snapping and telling Chase that if he didn’t take me to the therapist that day that I would need to go to the ER because I wanted to die. I could go on and on, but I’ll make this relatively short and say that I got help through counseling and through medication, and slowly crawled out of my pit.
And this is how it always happens. I’ll go through the pit of anxiety/depression and then one day I’ll sit and look around and think, “I am so happy. I am so grateful. God is so good.” And just like that, I realize that somewhere along the way, I got out of the rip current. I found a life raft. I’m out of the water. I’m on land. And I can breathe. There is hope. It’s Friday and I’m surrounded by family and had a really good dinner and drinking really good wine, and I want to let whoever needs this tonight to know that it DOES end and it DOES get better and that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I love you. God loves you. You have people in your life who need you. The world needs what you have to offer. Keep fighting. I’m proud of you. You’ll breathe again.
Haley I’m currently sitting on my couch thinking about a million different things that I have to do, I havent done, and how in the hell am I going to make it through. I battle with my self on daily. I myself are like you in so many ways. I smile I laugh and I talk way to much. I find music is my escape. No I cant sing or play an instrument but songs help me get through my days. I find each day I’m getting better about handling things, better at explaining how I feel to the one i love, which isnt that easy for me. I guess what i am trying to say is that I’m so glad I seen this today and to please keep writing please keep doing what you are doing. We have known each other since we was 12 and you have always been an AMAZING BEAUTIFUL soul and I thank you for what you do. Lots of love.
Candice! So much love to you ❤️ Thank you for your honesty. Keep holding on.
I have to remind myself to just keep breathing. The fire didn’t take everything.
Yes! And it’s okay to completely feel all of the pain.